April Fuzz Day – Mustache Memories

The Book: The Book of Bert – High-Class Stars with Some High-Class ‘Stache
The Authors: Jon Chattman and Rich Tarantino
The Occasion: April Fuzz Day, the release of the book!
The Publicist: Mr. Oren Phillips
The Guerrilla Mustache Marketers: Joselly, Joe, Max, Shira and Plotkin – all mustached.

This morning was like every other morning. I got up, showered, brushed my teeth, dressed, put on my makeup & lipstick, and finally, applied my stick-on mustache. Wait a minute – scratch that – this morning was different.

The day began with us rushing to catch the tail end of the Today Show at 30 Rock, where R.E.M was playing as the first band in a series of musical acts for their spring/summer concert series. There was a massive crowd surrounding R.E.M and we couldn’t even see the stage. So we just began handing out mustaches. Everyone who was within arms’ reach of us got a free mustache from our crew of merry mustachioed freaks. Some people took the mustaches willingly; others declined and gave us dirty looks. The press-on ‘staches had The Book of Bert’s website on the back. The website actually takes you right to The Cheap Pop site, which has information on the book.

After we handed out what seemed like hundreds of mustaches, we zoomed around the corner and – whoops! – bumped into none other than Mike Mills, the voice behind the voice for REM. There was a small, yet dense and determined crowd surrounding him. People were trying to get pictures, autographs, or perhaps even to steal a kiss (Jon?). Jon was somehow able to finagle his way through everyone and handed Mike Mills The Book of Bert, and told him to take his new book about mustaches, so he could “have something to read on the plane.” Sure enough, Mike Mills acknowledged Jon, took the book, and ducked into his limo. For all we know, right now he’s at 40,000 feet, ignoring turbulence while reading about musical genius Freddie Mercury’s facial hair.

Afterwards, we walked over a few blocks to meet up with photographer extraordinaire Mike DiScuillo and the TMZ crew, where they were patiently waiting to snap a picture of American Idol finalist Chickezie (does his name mean “the chicks think I’m easy”?). The girls dig him, ’cause he’s Chickezie – like a Sunday mornin’.

When we got there, a couple of tourists from Alberta, Canada asked us what was going on, so of course we told them about The Book of Bert, and had them apply mustaches and pose for the cameras. As it turns out, the woman’s second son’s name is Bert. Is this a mere coincidence? You decide. Well, they are from Al-BERT-a. Hmmm…

All of a sudden there was a ruckus and we knew Chickezie was on his way. When we caught him, Jon asked, “How do you think Simon would look with a mustache?” Chickezie replied, “I don’t know man, but I’d like to see that!” Personally, I think that Simon Cowell would look much better with a mustache.

Then we walked to the corner to hand out a few more mustaches to the unsuspecting public. It was a marketing frenzy! Joe was helping to document April Fuzz Day, and Joselly, sporting her lovely lady-stache (don’t worry boys, it’s removable) was giving mustaches out and talking to people about the book. Plotkin, a natural with children, rocked his naturally-grown ‘stache when he spotted an entire group of middle school kids on a field trip and started giving them mustaches. “Read the Book of Bert!” shouted Plotkin. Reading is fundamental – start ‘em young!

Suddenly, we found ourselves low on fake mustaches. Max left to go to buy some more at the $.99 cents store in order to re-stock our ‘stache stash. We parted ways for now.

Next stop – Sirius Radio, home of Howard Stern! Still wearing my mustache, I was lucky enough to tag along with Rich and Jon to the airing of the Frank DeCaro Show, where they were interviewed by Frank and Doria Biddle about The Book of Bert and mustaches in pop culture.

While waiting before the show in the green room, we see a number of people walk back and forth through the studio door, which has an awesome logo of a stylized fist, simply saying, “Howard”. It was easy to see that Howard Stern is Sirius Radio.

As I stood by the open glass door to the green room, I spot Robin Quivers, Howard’s radio mate for well over two decades. She looks absolutely lovely, and strangely, younger than ever. I said, “Hi Robin!” and much to my delight, she smiled at me and said hi back! She didn’t seem to be swayed by the fact that I was wearing a mustache.

We also saw other members of the Stern posse roaming the halls. While I didn’t see Gary Dell’Abate, his mustache is featured in The Book of Bert. The book even got a mention on Howard Stern’s page at Sirius.com!

Then all of a sudden we see George Takai, Star Trek icon and Heroes star, pop out of the station and pass by the green room – but not before Jon politely pulled him aside with a handshake and identified him out loud, “George Takai!” Jon introduced himself and Rich, and told him about The Book of Bert. With my ambidextrous talents, I simultaneously took a picture of George Takai who was holding the book while he stood in between Jon and Rich, and I videotaped them at the same time. In his sexy baritone voice, George Takai points to the book and exclaims, “The Book of Bert!” and confirms with delicate machismo, “That’s it.” This mustached gal is smitten!

Then Rich and Jon were finally called into the studio for the show. The authors left me to my own devices as I hung out in the green room, which actually wasn’t green, with my free bottled water. Apparently, once you cross the green room threshold, you instantly get free water or Red Bull, your choice. And this one guy kept coming in and asking if anyone wanted rainforest coffee. Fancy! The radio was on in the green room and the nice lady who is the Sirius liaison asked me if I wanted it tuned into Frank DeCaro’s show, so I said yes, please.

There I met a number of people who were waiting to talk to Howard on his show. The first person was Eric, a tall, broad-shouldered black guy listening to his ipod. I introduced myself and he laughed and asked me about my mustache. Wow, this is turning out to be a great conversation starter! Eric soon thereafter got called from the green room to go on the air.

Then later, three guys came in – one was American and two were from the U.K. I find out later that the two from England are in a band called Groove Armada and were waiting to be interviewed by Howard to promote their new CD. They talked to each other about what their plans were for the day (promotional stuff for their new album) and what they will discuss on Howard. They asked me about my mustache and a conversation about The Book of Bert ensued. I asked the tall Armada guy what he plays (thinking he would answer my question with an instrument or two), and instead I get the English-accented answer, “We make records.” Um, oh, ok – pardon me, but do you have any Grey Poupon? Then I asked him if I could video tape him saying “Hi I’m in Groove Armada and I read The Book of Bert.” But he declined – rather abruptly, I might add. As the old Howard Stern from air-wave radio might have said, what an A-hole! Dude, I’m sticking with Gulden’s. The two guys in the band were somewhat aloof, but their manager was nice.

As we sat in the green room, the amenities guy came in and asked the band if they wanted some rainforest coffee. Then another guy came in to say hi to the band, so I just introduced myself along with everyone else, even though I am not in Groove Armada. He sees my mustache and tells me that he saw tons of people earlier this morning wearing fake mustaches in Rockefeller Center. Yay! Our work paid off! Minutes later after that guy left the room, the band and I see people walk by with all sorts of weird props. The first two people carried in what seemed to be a life-sized rocket ship, even though I first identified it as a giant keg. Then some other people carried two large fake boulders into the station. And then I realized, something very phallic is going on at Sirius Radio.

In the end, Groove Armada did ask me for some fake mustaches and the manager wished me good luck just before they left. Maybe they talked to Howard about the weirdness that goes on in the green room – including seeing a woman wearing a fake mustache! Anything is possible…

Later Rich & Jon came back into the green room when they were done. Jon reportedly saw Howard himself, quickly walking down the hall, ducking into the men’s room. I missed it!

We also bumped into a woman named "Blue Iris," who is a 60-year-old former porn star. She is apparently on Howard Stern all the time - er, I mean - she is on his show all the time. A quote on her Myspace page states, "I am Blue Iris. I used to do midget and giant black cock porn. Now I am a stand-up comic with the Ding Dong Show! I am trying to make it big!!" My mother would be so proud.

Earlier that morning, Jon had told me that he and Rich were able to score a top PR man. Jon told me all about his award-winning publicist, Oren Phillips. Oren apparently brushes elbows with the best of them and gets a lot of high-voltage gigs for his clients. I actually saw him play beer pong once – he seemed pretty down to earth.

After the taping of the radio show, the woman who was the liaison at Sirius told Jon that earlier she shot an email over to his publicist Oren about something important, but all I could think of was Mr. Phillips poorly aiming and missing, and having to drink a cupful of Labatts Blue.

After the show, we meet up again with Joselly, Joe and Plotkin. We are all starving! Actually, we were just very hungry – starving is a socio-economic issue. So we head down to Brother Jimmy’s and have some lunch.

After we ate, we headed to - um, I just can’t remember our destination because the whole day is a blur - but we were walking behind Madison Square Garden when all of a sudden Jon spotted Richard Jenkins of Six Feet Under fame getting into his car. Jon stopped him and said hello, and told him about The Book of Bert. He gave him a copy and Richard Jenkins said to him, “You should be selling this (implying that Jon shouldn’t be giving away the book for free)!” Richard Jenkins has a point.

Then we walked down the street a little further and caught an entire line of elephants linked trunk-to-tail, wearing Barnum and Bailey headgear. This is not a joke. They were being led around the stadium and into a parking garage. The elephants were followed by two clowns – they were really moseying like clowns and waved to us as they wobbled on by. The day is officially surreal. Remind me not to join the circus (although I’d take a job at Sirius Radio).

Then we go to hand out more mustaches everywhere again – we hit the Late Night with Conan O’Brian audience at 30 Rock. There we met one of the NBC guards, where we offered him a free mustache (gotta get on the guards’ good sides!) and in return he told us he’s in a comedy troupe and could really use some of these. Watch – maybe one day this guy will be the next John Belushi. Not that I would wish that on anyone. You never know who you are going to meet!

After that, we headed to the Late Show with David Letterman. There is an audience line forming to go see Dave, but we take a walk around the building to the side entrance where we know Senator John McCain will be entering.

Just before we get to the side entrance, Jon stops in at the Hello Deli and gives the woman behind the counter a couple of mustaches; I then notice the man behind the counter – Rupert – the owner of Hello Deli and strangely – a frequent, awkward guest on the Letterman show. Jon tells them about The Book of Bert and then we head to the side entrance to wait for McCain.

We hang out with the paparazzi and some McCain fans who wanted their McCain 8x10 GOP’s (glossy old photos) signed by the presidential hopeful, plus one Hillary Clinton supporter (I know this because she announced it to the general public when she arrived) who was strangely fervent about catching a glimpse of McCain (I envisioned a scenario where she tries to tackle McCain and take him down as he gets out of the car – but that did not happen). Once he arrived - to my surprise - I was able to get a decent picture of him. Sure, he’s holding a coffee cup and not looking directly at the camera, but it’s still a picture!

Jon proclaimed this a victorious day by saying that in promoting The Book of Bert, we were able to amass some key people: “An American Idol, an American Senator, and just an American (the latter referring to either Mike Mills or Mr. George Takai, although I’m not sure which).”

By this time we are all exhausted, and I have developed a splitting headache (probably because I skipped breakfast – which always throws me off). I am so thirsty; I must get some water, so I go back to the Hello Deli and get some Poland Spring and a pack of Tylenol. The woman recognizes me from earlier and laughs at the mustache I’m wearing. She asks again what the mustaches are for, and I tell her about The Book of Bert. She then asks, “What’s the book about?” And Rupert, who is kneeling on the floor stocking items behind the counter, says, “It’s a book about mustaches!”

We then meet up with Max again, who saved the day with his newly purchased and freshly labeled pack of $.99 cent mustaches. He showed up with them stapled to Rich’s Book of Bert promo, and they looked great. We walked around looking for The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, which had apparently moved since any of us had seen Jon Stewart live in the late 1990’s. Finally, we found the building where they tape The Daily Show and inundated the people standing in line with fake mustaches. Out of all the groups of people we approached today, The Daily Show fans seemed the most eager to receive a free mustache.

Finally, we reach the end of an exhausting day. We are almost out of mustaches and are ready to bring the day to a close and head back to Grand Central.

As we are walking back, we bump into one guy, looking like he’s coming home from work, who notices me wearing a mustache. It peaks his interest, so we offer him a free mustache. His face lit up as we told him about The Book of Bert and that he can go to the website, www.thebookofbert.com, to learn more. For some reason, I think this made his day.

Rich, Jon and I agreed later that he seemed little too happy to receive a free mustache.

How to braid a seven-strand handfasting cord

For a seven-strand braided handfasting cord, make sure that the strands (that will make up the cord) are long enough so that when you eventually finish the braid, there is still plenty of length to do the ceremonial cord tying around both the bride and groom’s hands. Please note that if the individual strands are exceptionally thick, it may be cumbersome to use once fully braided.

Knot your seven strands (single-color cords) at the very top. To make it easier, take masking tape and tape the top of the knot to a table or other flat surface where you will be braiding. Separate the strands so that there are four to the left and three to the right. Working from left to right, the outside strand is brought to the middle space and placed against the right three strands. The outside right hand strand is next brought to the middle and placed similarly against the left three. Repeat this order until the ends are reached. Then knot the very bottom tightly with all the ends included in the knot.

While you are braiding, you can braid in magical intent. You can do a test braid first with yarn or household string as practice. When you braid the actual cord, adding magic is the best part!

Your intent could be related to each of the colors you have chosen, for example, when you pick the red strand up, think about the passion you will be weaving into the braid and into your marriage. Then when you pick up and weave in the blue strand, think of being true to one another, and so forth. Using knot magic combined with color correspondences is very powerful.

Even if your strands are all one color, you can still weave in magical intent. Another great thing you can do is have a special incense burning near (but not too close - safety first!) while you braid your handfasting cord. If you have created the intention to have your incense represent special attributes to your marriage (and even better if you can make the incense yourself), you will automatically weave in the scent as the smoke wafts over during the braiding.

You can also choose to weave in herbs, like rosemary and lavender, two traditional wedding herbs. Wheat and corn, symbolizing fertility, are popular wedding grains which can also be woven in as well. While it's not always possible, all natural fiber cords, such as cotton or silk, are preferred over synthetic ones by Wiccans and other Earth-centered people.

You can also make this a project for two. The bride can weave one strand, and the groom can weave the next, and so on and so forth. Or the groom can blend the incense and the bride can weave the strands. Or the bride can choose the colors and the groom can weave the strands. It’s up to you!

Of course, a handfasting cord does not have to be seven strands. Mine was one!

Either way, it is a fun, beautiful and magical project.

Fun note: the braiding diagram above is actually from a book on how to braid challah bread. Ha ha!

Nationalism - Terror or Independence?

P.A.N. – Pagans Against Nationalism

I just joined the abovementioned MySpace group. Before I had officially joined I wanted to do some further research on what nationalism is and how it can affect our world, our countries, our communities and our lives.

According to the P.A.N. group, the very definition of Pan – everything – is a symbol for freedom, wild natural power - nature itself. People expelled him because of his different nature. He frightened them because he did not fit in with the rest of the group. PAN is a symbol of tolerance and fights against exclusion.

What is Nationalism?

Not to be confused with patriotism, where one loves and defends the ideals of her/his country, nationalism is an attitude that can spread like a disease throughout a country.

While patriotism denotes positive and supportive attitudes to a country by individuals and groups, nationalism holds that a nation—usually defined in terms of ethnicity or culture—has the right to constitute an independent or autonomous political community based on a shared history and common destiny. Neutrally, this could be a good or bad thing.

But extreme forms of nationalism, such as those propagated by fascist movements in the twentieth century, hold that nationality is the most important aspect of one's identity while some of them have attempted to define the nation in terms of race or genetics. [Thank you Wikipedia for the concise definitions].

This is where nationalism gets scary, and has proven to be deadly. The following is a smattering of information that I have researched regarding nationalism. I have included a few examples of nationalism, links to full articles, and suggested reading material.

The Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy puts “nationalism” up for debate.

“The term “nationalism” is generally used to describe two phenomena: (1) the attitude that the members of a nation have when they care about their national identity and (2) the actions that the members of a nation take when seeking to achieve (or sustain) self-determination. (1) raises questions about the concept of nation (or national identity), which is often defined in terms of common origin, ethnicity, or cultural ties, and while an individual’s membership in a nation is often regarded as involuntary, it is sometimes regarded as voluntary. (2) raises questions about whether self-determination must be understood as involving having full statehood with complete authority over domestic and international affairs, or whether something less is required.

“It is traditional, therefore, to distinguish nations from states — whereas a nation often consists of an ethnic or cultural community, a state is a political entity with a high degree of sovereignty. While many states are nations in some sense, there are many nations which are not fully sovereign states. As an example, the Native American Iroquois constitute a nation but not a state, since they do not possess the requisite political authority over their internal or external affairs. If the members of the Iroquois nation were to strive to form a sovereign state in the effort to preserve their identity as a people, they would be exhibiting a state-focused nationalism.

“Nationalism has long been ignored as a topic in political philosophy, written off as a relic from bygone times. It has only recently come into the focus of philosophical debate, partly in consequence of rather spectacular and troubling nationalist clashes, like those in Rwanda, the former Yugoslavia and the former Soviet republics. The surge of nationalism usually presents a morally ambivalent and for this reason often fascinating picture. “National awakenings” and struggles for political independence are often both heroic and inhumanly cruel; the formation of a recognizably national state often responds to deep popular sentiment, but can and does sometimes bring in its wake inhuman consequences, including violent expulsion and “cleansing” of non-nationals, all the way to organized mass murder. The moral debate on nationalism reflects a deep moral tension between solidarity with oppressed national groups on the one hand and repulsion in the face of crimes perpetrated in the name of nationalism on the other. Moreover, the issue of nationalism points to a wider domain of problems having to do with the treatment of ethnic and cultural differences within a democratic polity, which are arguably among the most pressing problems of contemporary political theory.

“In recent years the focus of the debate about nationalism has shifted towards issues in international justice, probably in response to changes on the international scene: bloody nationalist wars such as those in the former Yugoslavia have become less conspicuous, whereas the issues of terrorism, of “clash of civilizations” and of hegemony in the international order have come to occupy public attention. One important link with earlier debates is provided by the contrast between views of international justice based on the predominance of sovereign nation-states and more cosmopolitan views, that either insist upon limiting national sovereignty, or even envisage its disappearance.

One very well-known example of nationalism extremism is the former Nazi Germany of the 1940’s. Unfortunately, we have not learned from our mistakes. See: Rwanda

To learn more about nationalism, see the full debate here: http://www.science.uva.nl/~seop/entries/nationalism/

A brief look at nationalism horrors repeating themselves (April 2004), by blogger Ron Rapp of House of Rapp:

Rwanda: Have We Learned Nothing?

http://www.rapp.org/archives/2004/04/rwanda_have_we_learned_nothing/

“Mention the word ‘genocide’ or make reference to the systematic murder of millions and most people in the Western world will immediately think of the Holocaust. But that dark period represents only one of three such events to occur in the last century.

“During World War I, the forces of nationalism within the faltering Ottoman Empire lead to the 20th century’s first large scale genocide. Between 1915 and 1916, the Turks used the war as a pretense for “removing” all Armenians from Turkey. More than 1.5 million were murdered.

“The world must have collectively learned very little from this bloody bit of history, because just two decades later the Germans were crafting their ‘Final Solution’. Add six million to the tally there [my note: actually, it was 12 million people killed altogether. Six million Jews and six million others who did not fit in with Nazi Germany’s nationalistic ideals.].

“[Nazi] German efficiency being what it [was], you’d expect no one could kill people faster. Especially not on a continent where the weapons of choice [were] clubs and knives [my note: the Nazi’s worst weapons of all included hate, intolerance and nationalistic fear]. But ten years ago [from the date of this article] — April 7, 1994, the Hutu tribe in Rwanda began the mass murder of their Tutsi countrymen by the most primative means possible. Often with nothing more than their bare hands.

“[In Rwanda] more than 937,000 people were killed in just three months. That’s 10,411 people per day. 434 corpses every minute. Seven deaths per second. Every single second. Around-the-clock. For three months.”

On Saving Darfur:

Darfur and the Politics of Race: Understanding the Save Darfur Coalition

“The Save Darfur campaigns are better understood by looking at the post-September 11 US political scene. Unlike other “hot spots” across Africa, the Darfur tragedy reverberates deeply in the US because it is represented as a racial conflict between “Arabs” and “indigenous Africans,” and because the Darfur crisis offers a unique opportunity to unite against the new post-Cold War enemy. While some involved in the campaigns have been seeking genuine ways to support Darfurians—opportunists have racialized the conflict in order to divide Arabs and Africans by playing on historic and manufactured (colonial) divisions in Sudan...”

“When Sudan gained independence, the state builders in Khartoum embraced an Arab nationalism based on “a genealogy that stretched into the Islamic Arab past” and attempted to impose an Arab identity—and later Islamic law—not only on the north, but also on the southern territories. In consolidating the Sudanese state, the leadership would use a racial language that dated back to the seventeenth century, but they also adopted the racial categories and idea of “indigeneity” introduced by the British. Yet although many in the north self-identify as Arab and claim descent from noble Arabians who supposedly immigrated to Africa, that does not make them non-indigenous.

“The “Arab” versus “indigenous African” dichotomy runs through most discussions of the Darfur conflict…”

Read the full story here: http://www.leftturn.org/?q=node/769

And finally, concerning Kosovo’s newly emancipated state as of February 17, 2008, here is a very current example of nationalism:

Kosovo and the Perils of Nationalism – The New Republic: To Live In Peace, Newly Independent State Must Heed History's Lessons (CBS News, Feb 20, 2008)

“Kosovo's leaders - along with their European and American supporters - should not forget the lesson behind the tragedy that led to the Serbian province's declaration of independence this week. That lesson has much more to do with the horrors of nationalism as a power-hungry ideology than with the evils, real or perceived, of the Serbs.

“If the Kosovars end up replacing one form of nationalism with another, the recent declaration of independence will prove to be a betrayal of the wishes of ordinary Kosovars who aspire to be free and live in peace with themselves and the rest of Europe.”

Read the full story here: http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2008/02/20/opinion/main3851457.shtml?source=RSSattr=Opinion_3851457

Books about nationalism:

Guibernau, M. and J. Hutchinson (eds.) (2001) Understanding Nationalism

http://www.amazon.com/Understanding-Nationalism-Montserrat-Guibernau/dp/0745624022

McCrone, D. (1998) Sociology of Nationalism

http://www.amazon.com/Sociology-Nationalism-International-Library/dp/0415114608/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1203877995&sr=1-1

Ozkirimli, U. (2005) Contemporary Debates on Nationalism

http://www.amazon.com/Contemporary-Debates-Nationalism-Critical-Engagement/dp/0333947738/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1203878061&sr=1-1